I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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