the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
