fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
