5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
