i barfeds in our rink
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
