I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
