WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
