Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
