you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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