is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
