despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
