My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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