Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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