me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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