you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
