Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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