You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
