Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
4 words: hood of his car
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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