dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm getting married
To pizza
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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