Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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