I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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