R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Randomize
