I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
