Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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