i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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