Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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