You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
