So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
