I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
