And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
