remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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