did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
