Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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