You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
