I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
