speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
