My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
