I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
