You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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