i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
