You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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