dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
A+ Viking dick
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
