It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
