i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
