i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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