mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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