hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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