i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
