Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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