Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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