piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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